Exercise With Your Spouse: A Simple Habit Linked to Less Conflict

Picture a cool October evening. The dishes are done, the television is calling, and one of you says, “Want to take a walk?” It feels like such a small question. But according to new research, that little invitation may be connected to something much bigger than a few extra steps.

If you have ever wondered whether it is worth the effort to exercise with your spouse, a new study from Brigham Young University offers some encouraging food for thought. In a nationally representative survey of 1,693 young married couples, husbands and wives who exercised together reported better communication, more effective conflict resolution and less conflict in their marriages than couples who did not share physical activity. You can read the summary in ScienceDaily’s report on the study.

Now, I want to be honest with you from the start. This study does not prove that walking together fixes a marriage, and the couples were much younger than most of my readers. But it does point to a free, simple and joyful habit that fits beautifully with how God designed us: to live, work and walk in companionship.

Let me walk you through what the researchers found, what it does and does not mean, and how you can put it to work this week, whether you are married, widowed or single.

🔬 What the Study on Couples Who Exercise Together Found

The study was published in the journal Family Relations by Ashlyn Mildenhall, Matthew L. Núñez and Jeremy Yorgason. Its formal title is “Conjoint Exercise among young married couples: Exploring associations with couple conflict, conflict resolution, and communication.” “Conjoint exercise” is simply the researchers’ term for exercising together. You can find the original paper on Wiley Online Library.

Who Was Studied

The researchers drew on the CREATE study (Couple Relationships and Transition Experiences), a large, nationally representative project run at BYU. According to StudyFinds’ summary of the paper, at least one partner in each couple was 18 to 36 when the project began, most couples married in 2014, and about 46% had children.

What the Researchers Measured

Husbands and wives answered survey questions about their physical activity and whether they did it together. They also rated three parts of their marriage: how well they communicated, how well they resolved disagreements, and how much conflict they experienced.

The Key Results

Couples who exercised together reported better communication, more effective conflict resolution and less conflict than couples who did not share physical activity. Co-author Ashlyn Mildenhall noted that communication showed the biggest connection of the three. Couples who exercised together also reported listening better and feeling more heard and supported.

Here is a detail I found encouraging: individual exercise was linked to healthier marriages too. ScienceDaily reports that shared exercise showed consistently stronger links than solo exercise. However, StudyFinds points out that this edge for shared exercise was not statistically significant for any outcome, which means it could be due to chance. The direction was the same for all three outcomes and for both husbands and wives, so I would call it a promising trend rather than a proven advantage.

The connections held up after the researchers adjusted for age, education, income, race, work status and whether the couple had children. Interestingly, having children was associated with lower scores for communication and conflict resolution, something many parents will understand.

Dr. Yorgason described the effect as not necessarily large but very consistent. The authors call it a small but significant association. In plain English, the link is modest, but it showed up again and again.

The Honest Limitations

I always tell my patients that one study is never the final word, and this one has real limits worth knowing:

• It was a snapshot, not an experiment. This was a cross-sectional survey, meaning it looked at couples at one point in time. It cannot show cause and effect. Couples who already get along well may simply be more likely to exercise together.
• Exercise was self-reported and broadly defined. It even included things like childcare and work labor, and the study did not capture how hard, how often or how long people exercised.
• The couples were young. These were mostly newlyweds, not adults over 40.
• The sample leaned toward moderate to higher income and some college education.

As psychologist Theresa DiDonato, PhD, noted in her commentary in Psychology Today, because the data are cross-sectional, the direction of cause is unknown and is probably a two-way street. Shared exercise may help a relationship, and a healthy relationship may make shared exercise more likely.

That older-couples study matters for my readers. It was small and also observational, but it suggests the pattern is not limited to newlyweds.

💬 Why Exercise and Marriage Communication May Go Hand in Hand

The researchers did not test exactly why shared exercise and better communication travel together. So what follows are reasonable possibilities, drawn from what I have seen in more than 30 years of practice, not proven mechanisms.

Side by Side Is Easier Than Face to Face

Many couples tell me their hardest conversations happen across the kitchen table, eye to eye, when emotions run high. On a walk, you are shoulder to shoulder, looking at the same path. There is less pressure, fewer distractions, and natural pauses that let both people think before they speak.

Shared Time With a Shared Purpose

Busy schedules, grandchildren, church commitments and work can leave couples living parallel lives under one roof. Exercising together carves out protected time. Working toward a shared goal, even something as simple as “we walk after supper on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” builds a sense of being on the same team.

Caring for the Body Supports the Whole Person

Remember that solo exercise was linked to healthier marriages too. When we steward our bodies well, we often show up to our relationships with more patience and energy. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, body, mind and spirit, and those parts of you are connected.

🌿 Walking With Your Spouse: 6 Simple Ways to Get Started

The good news is that you do not need a gym membership. According to BYU News, walking was the most common shared activity, and Psychology Today’s breakdown shows general cardio and strength training were popular choices too. Here are practical ways to begin.

A Gentle Word on Conflict

Every marriage has disagreements, including mine. Scripture gives us wise counsel: “A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NKJV). And James reminds us to be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19, NKJV). A walk is a wonderful place to practice that kind of listening.

Old hurts can follow us down any path, though. If resentment has been building, I encourage you to read my thoughts on the deadly cost of grudges. Forgiveness is a gift we give our own body and soul.

I also want to be clear: if your marriage is going through serious difficulty, a walk is not a cure, and BYU’s researchers say the same. Struggling does not mean you have failed. And if there is any abuse or ongoing serious conflict, please reach out to your pastor or a licensed Christian counselor. Your safety and wellbeing come first.

If You Are Single or Widowed

Many of my dear readers have lost a spouse or are single, and I do not want you to feel left out. This study looked at married couples, so we cannot say the same results apply to friends. But God designed every one of us for companionship. Invite a friend, an adult child, a neighbor or someone from your church family to walk with you. My article on loneliness and your health explains why connection matters so much at every season of life.

🩺 Benefits of Walking Together After 40: A Doctor’s Common Sense

Because the BYU couples were young, it is fair to ask whether any of this applies to those of us with a few more birthdays behind us. The 2018 study of 191 older couples suggests the connection between shared exercise and daily marital wellbeing shows up later in life too, although that study was also small and observational.

In my practice, I often see couples in their 50s, 60s and 70s who have drifted into separate routines. One rises early; the other stays up late. One loves the treadmill; the other prefers the recliner. Finding even one shared activity can become a bridge back to each other.

A few safety reminders, especially if you are over 40:

• Start gradually, particularly if you have been inactive for a long time.
• Talk with your doctor before beginning a new exercise routine if you have heart disease, joint problems or another diagnosed condition, or if you take medications that affect balance or heart rate.
• Wear supportive shoes, walk in well-lit areas, and bring water.
• Respect each other’s limits. A good walk is one you both want to repeat.

Health is never only physical. In Dr. Colbert’s Spiritual Health Zone, I explore how our relationships, emotions and faith shape our wellbeing just as surely as what we eat and how we move.

📝 Your Action Plan to Exercise With Your Spouse This Week

1. Make the invitation. Ask kindly, without pressure: “Would you like to take a walk with me after supper?” An invitation lands better than a lecture.
2. Check in with your doctor if needed. If either of you has heart disease, joint problems or has been sedentary for a long time, get the green light first.
3. Put it on the calendar. Choose two or three set times this week. Treat them like any other appointment you would not want to miss.
4. Pick an activity you both enjoy. Walking is the easiest place to start, but dancing, biking, swimming or gardening together all get you moving side by side.
5. Go phone free. Silence notifications and give each other your full attention.
6. Practice listening. Ask one open question, such as “What was the best part of your day?” and then truly listen before responding.
7. Close with gratitude or prayer. Thank God for each other and for the gift of a body that can move.
8. Keep moving on your own too. Remember that solo exercise was also linked to healthier marriages. Your personal walks count.
9. Include others. If you are single or widowed, or your spouse is not able to join, invite a friend, family member or church group.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

Does exercising together improve your marriage?

The BYU study found that couples who exercised together reported better communication, better conflict resolution and less conflict. However, it was a one-time survey, so it shows a link, not proof that exercise caused the improvement. Couples who already get along well may also be more likely to exercise together.

Is walking with your spouse enough, or do you need a workout?

According to BYU, walking was the most common shared activity, so no gym is required. The study did not measure how hard or how long couples exercised, so it cannot tell us an ideal amount. Choose something you both enjoy and can keep doing.

Is exercising alone still good for my marriage?

Yes, individual exercise was also linked to healthier marriages in this study and in the 2018 study of older couples. Shared exercise showed a slightly stronger trend, but that difference was not statistically significant. Both are worth doing.

What if my spouse does not want to exercise with me?

Do not force it. Keep your own routine, extend a warm invitation now and then, and suggest low-pressure options like an evening stroll or a walk to a favorite spot. Sometimes a gentle, joyful example is the most persuasive invitation of all.

Does this apply to couples over 50?

The new study focused on young newlyweds, so it cannot speak directly to older adults. An earlier 2018 study of 191 older couples did find that exercising together on a given day was linked to nearly all of the marital outcomes measured. It is encouraging, but more research in older couples is needed.

🌅 A Final Word: Walk Together, Grow Together

I love research like this because it reminds us that some of the most meaningful things in life are also the simplest. A walk costs nothing. It needs no special equipment. And it creates room for the kind of unhurried conversation that busy lives so often crowd out.

The science here is still early and modest, and I want you to hold it with honest expectations. But the invitation is timeless. Lace up your shoes, reach for the hand of someone you love, and take a few steps in the same direction. Your body, your relationships and your soul were all designed by the same loving Creator, and He delights when we care for each of them.

If this encouraged you, share it with your spouse or a walking buddy, and keep visiting drcolbert.com for more practical, faith-filled guidance for every season of life.

Blessings to you on the path ahead,
Dr. Don Colbert, MD